The Place I Belong
by TreasureHunterGirl
Summary: Merlin's life flashes before his eyes in his final moments, and he only sees one thing... Part 4 in the "Yellow Brick Road" series by coldfusion9797


**The Place I Belong**

To Harry and Eggsy, Merlin's decision to sacrifice himself probably seemed split second, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. If he thought about it the decision could possibly have been twenty years in the making, but it was most definitely one he'd been contemplating since that day; his darkest day. The day that he'd lost her; the love of his life. The day he'd lost Roxy Morton.

As he stood there on the deadly land mine he realised for the first time what it meant to have your life flash before your eyes. And all he saw was Roxy...

xxx

He watched on with unexplainable anxiety as Roxy and Eggsy plummeted towards the ground. If they didn't open their chutes soon he'd surely be scraping them up. His blood pressure was rising exponentially as he kept his eyes on the dot marked Roxy. Panic was starting to grip him, but he was always so calm. Nothing phased him; what was this? He had to control himself not to reveal that both chutes were perfectly operational. The memory of wanting to protect Roxy from death stung his eyes with tears. He'd ultimately failed at that task.

x

Roxy entered the room. She was still wearing her jumpsuit. She still shook with adrenaline.

"Roxy," he said.

She had tears in her eyes. She was just as good as any of the boys, if not better, so sometimes Merlin forgot she was a girl. Now, however, it was blaringly apparent.

She wiped previously shed tears from her face, and walked towards him.

Merlin just stared.

When she reached out and touched him all he could do was move closer to her.

Her hand was soon on the back of his neck and his on her waist.

She kissed him, and he kissed her.

"I just didn't want to never have done that," she said.

xxx

"I'm not supposed to help with your missions," protested Merlin.

"You're not really helping," countered Roxy. "You're just giving me pointers on an appropriate outfit."

She strutted by playfully in an overly dramatic way wearing a short red dress.

"Well, in that case I think I need to see the black one again," he replied with a grin.

He didn't have the heart to tell her it wouldn't really matter what she was wearing once tied to a set of railway tracks, and besides he was enjoying himself.

xxx

Merlin had done this a few times before, but making Roxy believe she was about to shoot the dog she'd spent the last year training and bonding with was by far the worst time.

He held the gun out for her to take, and as their eyes locked he hoped he gave her a reassuring look.

He could see both the hesitation and the determination in her eyes. He was so proud of her already, it didn't really matter what happened ne-

BANG!

Roxy gasped, confusion and relief washing over her face. She turned around to look at Merlin.

"Congratulations Roxy," he said, smiling.

"It was a blank," she said. "It was a blank."

"Yes it was," confirmed Merlin. "You did it."

She threw herself at him, wrapping him in a tight hug of celebration.

He picked her and swung her around.

"You did it," he reiterated, kissing her.

xxx

It was their first Christmas together. Roxy had a laugh in her eyes when she'd handed Merlin an early present; a small flat square wrapped in red paper and with a gold ribbon around it. He opened it with the unreserved excitement he saved only for her. He laughed as he extracted a Christmas album entitled _John Denver and The Muppets: A Christmas Together_ complete with a cover showing a grinning John Denver, Kermit, Miss Piggy and Fozzie Bear.

"You know I'm gonna make you listen to this," he said.

"I wouldn't want to listen to it with anyone else," she replied.

xxx

"I'm pregnant."

The words resounded within the control room. Merlin's eyes darted to the door.

"Don't worry, I locked the door, and put your comms on mute," she reassured him.

"You're what?" asked Merlin.

"Pregnant, having a baby," supplied Roxy.

"Really? How?"

"Ah, I thought you knew," she replied smirking. "Remember that time after I got into Kingsman, and those times at your place, and New Years and in here too I believe," she listed, casting a gaze around the room.

"I know _how_ ," Merlin replied, not seeing the funny side. "I mean how could we let this happen..."

x

He'd left for a mission that afternoon. It'd been the first fight they'd had, and it wasn't really even a fight. Just her coming to him with life altering news, and him not being able to deal with it.

After a few days away he'd begun to really think about the idea of having a baby with Roxy. He'd always thought being a father was something that just wasn't going to happen to him. He'd never had a real relationship before Roxy. He'd not allowed himself to, and nor had Kingsman. But, the thought wasn't altogether unpleasant.

As the days went by, and he was away from her, the idea grew on him more and more. Roxy, himself and a child; a real family. Something he'd never had, and certainly never dreamed of. Yet, he found himself thinking about it, looking forward to it, and suddenly wanting nothing more than it.

x

When he finally got home after what felt like months, but in reality had been two weeks, Merlin found a note awaiting him.

He gulped. He hadn't pushed Roxy away with his lack of enthusiasm and subsequent silence had he? God, he hoped not. She was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Approaching it like it was a bomb itself, he finally picked it up to read Roxy's handwriting:

 _'Not every accident is a disaster..._ '

The paper felt thick, heavier than usual paper. He turned it in his hands to see a grainy black and white photo. An ultrasound image of their unborn child.

He was still staring at it in wonder when he heard the front door open. Roxy was the only person other than him who had a key to his house.

He raced downstairs, meeting her at the foot of the staircase. He was still holding the photo. She glanced at it, an apprehensive look claiming residence on her usually confident face.

"I love you," he said without preamble. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Roxy smiled.

xxx

It all happened so quickly. Merlin knew as he'd stood there looking at Harry and Eggsy for the last time that they deserved to know the truth of why he was doing this; deserved not to feel guilty about it, but with only precious moments left he wanted to spend them with his memories, with her. He hadn't realised that the memories of stolen moments and their little secret slice of heaven would flash by so quickly. He heard her calling him. It was almost time.

 _"Almost heaven, West Virginia_

 _Blue Ridge Mountains_

 _Shenandoah River,_

 _Life is old there_

 _Older than the trees_

 _Younger than the mountains_

 _Blowin' like the breeze_

 _Country roads, take me home_

 _To the place I belong_

 _West Virginia, mountain momma_

 _Take me home, country roads_

 _Country roads, take me home_

 _To the place I belong_

 _West Virginia, mountain momma_

 _Take me home, country roads..."_


End file.
